I attended a negotiation course recently. It was the toughest course I’d ever attended.
Here’s some context: The nature of my work is to form partnerships with external companies. Most of my partnerships are pleasant: Both parties are excited to work with each other, and everyone tries their best to make things work. The “negotiations” are easy, they’re safe, and everyone walks away feeling great.
But during my negotiation course, we had to do several role-plays which were deliberately structured for tension and conflict. I was challenged to make ridiculous demands. Or I would have to control my emotions while the other party aggressively pushed me. These situations really made me sweat.
Most of us aren’t used to these sort of negotiations. We don’t like conflict. We want the person we’re dealing with to like us. I started wondering: Is this even relevant to my work? Do I REALLY want to appear like an a-hole during partner meetings?
As a recap: We’re doing a series on extracting some practical wisdom from the Bible. As one of the oldest collections of wisdom in the world, the Bible can offer you some practical, concrete wisdom, even if you don’t believe in God.
Today, let’s turn to THE central figure of Christianity – Jesus – who knew a thing or two about handling tough situations and conflict. Here are 3 lessons we can learn from Jesus when it comes to difficult negotiations.
Have High Standards
First, go into a negotiation with high standards. Don’t lower your standards and expectations in the name of being “nice”.
Many people today view Jesus as a nice guy. They see him as the friendly spiritual guru who taught the world to “turn the other cheek” and “love your enemy”. Now let’s just hold hands and sing kumbaya!
Yes, Jesus did teach love and compassion and forgiveness. But if you read the Gospels carefully, you’ll also notice another side of Jesus: He had high standards, constantly challenged others to meet them, and wasn’t afraid to show his anger when those standards weren’t met.
For example, here’s how Jesus had crazy high standards for the famous commandment on adultery:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” – Matt 5:27-28
Here, Jesus is preaching against a legalistic approach to the law (“As long as I don’t sleep with other people, I’m a good person”). No, he has way higher standards than that, and constantly challenges his followers to meet them.
Similarly, during a negotiation, it’s okay to challenge the other party towards a higher standard. This is how you make sure that both parties bring as much value as possible to the table.
However, we often feel bad to ask for more because we feel that we shouldn’t be greedy. But if someone says “I can deliver X, Y, Z”, it’s absolutely reasonable to say, “That’s great. Can you also deliver A,B and C?”
You have high standards for yourself. Why shouldn’t you expect the same from the person you’re negotiating with?
Hold Your Ground
There’s a passage in John’s Gospel where Jesus gives a difficult teaching about the Eucharist (which forms the basis of Holy Communion, celebrated by Christians today):
So Jesus said to them, “Very truly, I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you….
When many of his disciples heard it, they said, “This teaching is difficult; who can accept it?”
Because of this many of his disciples turned back and no longer went about with him. – John 6:53-66
In this passage, Jesus says something so shocking (eating His flesh and drinking His blood) that it causes several of his disciples to turn around and leave Him.
Jesus could’ve run after them and said, “No no! What I meant was….” But he didn’t. He knew that his teachings were the truth, and to water down the truth would be a disservice to his followers. So he chose to hold his ground.
Similarly, it’s important to be convicted about what you’re negotiating for. However, many of aren’t, which is why our negotiations often end up like this:
You: We only have a budget of $40,000 for this
Counterpart: There’s no way we can complete it for that amount.
You: Oh, hmm, ah, okay. I think I can ask my boss if we can raise the budget to $60,000….
Very often, the other party will challenge your proposal aggressively just to test your limits. So many of us get thrown off by a counterattack that we end up compromising and cave in. But if your proposal was well thought-out and justifiable, have conviction in it and hold your ground:
You: We only have a budget of $40,000 for this
Counterpart: There’s no way we can complete it for that amount.
You: No problem – that’s your decision. We can call off the deal then. (silence)
Counterpart: Okay, okay, let me see what I can do….
Don’t Be Afraid To Show Anger
On the flip side, you might be on the receiving end of an unreasonable or unfair situation. Maybe your counterparty grossly lowballed you. Maybe they didn’t deliver what they said they would. Maybe they’re trying to see what they can get away with.
In those situations, many people let the situation slide. We start to justify in our heads, “Well, maybe it was an honest mistake.” or “Maybe they really can’t afford to pay us that much.” We repeat those excuses in our heads, and soon we start accepting those excuses as truth.
Lots of people are uncomfortable with showing anger, but there are some situations where it’s perfectly justifiable. Jesus certainly wasn’t afraid to show his anger when it was appropriate:
Then Jesus entered the temple and drove out all who were selling and buying in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who sold doves. He said to them, “It is written,
‘My house shall be called a house of prayer’;
but you are making it a den of robbers.” – Matt 21:12-13
Jesus literally “flipped table”! It doesn’t mean you need to start doing that in a negotiation room, but a stern, firm, and professional statement can deliver a brutal blow without coming across as rude. For example:
- That’s absolutely ridiculous. Do you really think that’s a fair proposal? (silence)
- Let me be blunt – you guys screwed up big time. Now let’s talk about compensation.
Tough Love Negotiation
Yes, it’s important to know when to be tough in a negotiation, and to defend yourself when people are tough with you.
But negotiation isn’t necessarily about extracting as much value as you possibly can, or taking advantage of the other side using tactics. Above all, approach negotiations with love. That “love” might be in the form of tough love, but still love nonetheless.
After all, Jesus wasn’t only about being tough. He was tough and uncompromising when he had to be, yet filled with infinite mercy and compassion for his people. He had a special place in his heart for the poor, the sick, and the ostracised. And he fought with with everything he had for the people he loved.
In the book The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, here’s how C.S Lewis describes Aslan (the Christ-figure in the story):
“Aslan is a lion- the Lion, the great Lion.”
“Ooh” said Susan. “I’d thought he was a man. Is he quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion”…
“Safe?” said Mr Beaver …”Who said anything about safe?
‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”
That’s how you want to position yourself in a negotiation. You don’t have to be nice, you don’t have to be safe, but you have to be Good. Not everyone will necessarily like you, but they will definitely respect you.
Take it from the King.
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Image credit: Wikipedia
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