Heya! It’s been another crazy month of travelling (Hanoi and Tokyo!), full-time work, and Church activities, which is why I haven’t been blogging much.
But I’ve been reading this awesome book Thank You For Arguing: What Aristotle, Lincoln and Homer Simpson Can Teach Us About the Art of Persuasion (awesome title) by Jay Heinrichs.
I’m only a tiny way through the book, but I wanted to give my own spin on a nifty negotiation technique which Henrichs introduces in the first few chapters.
Negotiation Aikido
When I was a kid, I used to take Aikido classes. Aikido is unconventional because unlike other martial arts, Aikido uses your opponent’s strength against him. I remember my sensei asking me to hit him during a demo. I threw the hardest punch a 12-year old could muster, and promptly found myself on the floor without knowing what was going on.
The negotiation equivalent of Aikido is known as concession. Concession doesn’t mean that you concede defeat or compromise; it’s a technique to use your opponent’s words against him.
For example, everyone who’s ever worked with an agency on retainer knows that it’s their account manager’s job to gently deflect all the client’s unreasonable (okay, stupid) requests, without embarrassing the client too much. Our account manager was a master at this technique:
Boss: We need a campaign to engage the millennials
Account Manager: Great idea. What sort of campaign did you have in mind?
Boss: Something to do with Facebook. All millennials use Facebook.
Account Manager: That’s interesting. What would your objectives be for this?
Boss: We need something that will help us, uhm, be more active on social media
Account Manager: More active on social media. Got it. How much budget should we allocate?
Boss: Hmm, I’m not sure –
Account Manager: Let’s circle back* on this next week once we get more clarity, ok?
We never launched this vague Facebook campaign (or any of my boss’s ideas). And even though I knew exactly what our account manager was doing, we still liked her. The fact that she never disagreed with us might have had something to do with it.
*Side note: “circle back” is a great way to avoid a topic in a corporate setting. It’s definitely been used against me more than once.
Lessons From Improv
As Heinrichs points out, you’ll find the same technique if you take a class in improv. It’s known in improv circles as the “Yes, and…” technique, because you never say “No” to your improv partner. Saying “No” basically kills the conversation:
Partner: Look! There’s a ninja wrestling an alien!
You: That’s stupid – a ninja would never wrestle.
Instead, no matter what your improv partner says, you always respond with, “Yes, and…” and add your own spin to the conversation:
Partner: Look! There’s a ninja wrestling an alien!
You: Yes, and there are more aliens coming! Maybe I should help!
Partner: Yes, and put on some armour before you go
You: Yes, and I’ll probably need some weapons too. Should I bring a parrot?
Saying “Yes, and…” helps you to acknowledge your partner, while simultaneously steering the conversation to where you want it to go. It’s conversation Aikido.
Applying It To Real Life
I learnt very quickly that saying, “No, you’re wrong!” during a client meeting is a surefire way to shut down the conversation, even if they actually WERE wrong.
Client: The price is way too high.
You: No it’s not. We have one of the most competitive prices in the market
Even if you were right, it’s pretty unlikely that they’ll admit that they didn’t do their homework. Instead, if you use concession to first acknowledge their point, you can then work your agenda into the conversation:
Partner: Your price is way too high
You: That makes sense. Times are tough and you need to make sure that you’re getting the best value. If it helps, you could do a comparison of all the prices in the market. You’ll see that we’re one of the most competitive options out there.
You 1) acknowledged their point, 2) reframed it to suit your needs, and 3) presented your agenda. Same points, very different outcomes. Pretty cool, right?
Of course, these are hypothetical scenarios – real life is a lot more complicated, and I don’t claim to be an expert at this at all.
But with some practice, you’ll hopefully be able to use some negotiation aikido with your clients, co-workers, friends, and (probably the hardest of all) your spouses and kids.
Happy negotiating!
[…] By Lionel Yeo […]